Mornings in our house have a routine. The same steps, in the same order, every school day.

And still, every morning, I find myself standing there, prompting.

Not because my son does not know what to do. He knows. We have worked on this for years.

I hoped — I really hoped — that by his teenage years, he would learn to take care of himself. That the routine would become his own. That one morning I would wake up and he would just… start.

That morning has not come.

When puberty stirred everything around

Puberty was exactly what stirred things around.

Just when I thought we were getting closer, everything shifted. He became more resistant. Not angry, not difficult for the sake of it — resistant to reaching his full potential on self-care, even though I know he can do so much more than he shows in the morning.

So I prompt. And I prompt again. And I wait.

Some mornings it works, slowly. Some mornings it does not, and we are late, and tired, and I am holding back the tears because I love him so much and I am so tired of watching him need me for every small step.

We all get to a point

We all get to a point where not even therapy can change what needs to be changed.

I say that carefully, because therapy has helped us in so many ways. I am grateful for it. But there are some things therapy cannot hand to him. Some things only time — and him, in his own time — can change.

And as his mom, that is a hard place to sit in. Knowing what he needs. Knowing what he is capable of. And still not being able to make it happen for him.

I have worked with my son for years. I will keep working with him. But I also need to be honest about where we are, not where I hoped we would be by now.

A call for help

So this post is not advice. I do not have the answer to this one.

This is a call for help, mom to mom.

If you have been here — if your teenager still waits for the prompt in the morning, if self-care is still a battle after years of trying — what helped? What did you do when the routine stopped working? What did you let go of, and what did you hold on to?

I am listening.

Because some mornings, just knowing another mom understands is what gets me through the next prompt.

If there's a topic you'd like me to write about, share it in the comments — or contact me. I'd love to hear from you.